ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
