SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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