You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think your dad took our porno
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize