So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
