i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
