i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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