i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
