everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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