dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She's the barista slut.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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