New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
nutella sex= disaster
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
