The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
