Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
