This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
