woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize