Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
