I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
