You just made me feel so damn special
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
