did you get engaged???
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
