He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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