At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
