he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have aggressive nipples.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
