ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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