Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
