i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
