he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
