Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize