If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
