Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
