fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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