new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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