Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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