So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
