Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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