i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
