Are we in a gay sports bar?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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