8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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