It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
