I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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