my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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