i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
