apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
