So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Are we still banned from the library?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Randomize
