Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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