paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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