he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
