Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
