I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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