do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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