He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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