why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
