i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
