A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
