Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
