why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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