hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
