My boss' voice literally gives me gas
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
