Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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