Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
