there was a trapeze. enough said
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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