i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
