I think im going to throw up on grandma
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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