hotel room ftw
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
