im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
