Are we in a gay sports bar?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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