i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
