i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
