In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
