whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
