i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
