Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize