i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
