Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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