Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
