I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
