Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
