Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
