party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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