i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
