Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
