the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
