yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
