Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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