we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
