So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
