giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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