I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
