If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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