I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
