turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
